See the Change You Want to be

Change is a funny thing, A thing that most people are afraid of. Even when change is a good thing, we fear it, because it is the unknown. Sometimes we may even choose to stay in an unhappy situation because it’s familiar and known to us. Even when we know change might bring happiness it can be hard to take the steps towards it because the unknown is even scarier then the continued unhappiness. I know for me, no matter how many times I get a new job, move to a new place, end a relationship, the transition from the old life to the new is always uncomfortable and scary.

            I think about how many times I have changed my life in the last three years. The first big change was graduating college. My whole life I had been within the education system and never had to figure out my next step, because it had already been chosen for me: First grade then second grade then third grade, and so on. While I knew I had always wanted to go to the Peace Corps after college the transition period was hard and leaving the comfort and cushiony life style I had become accustomed to was scary, however, when college ended, the next adventure began, and it’s been adventure after adventure ever since. While I would like to say I embraced each adventure with open arms, that would be a lie, I kicked and screamed through every change life threw at me. It is only now, looking back and following the person I was, to person I have become, that I see each struggle and hardship as the necessary evil, which led me here. “Here” being  Nepal, where I finally feel like I am in the right place at the right time heading in the right direction.

After graduation I moved to Israel, from Israel I moved to Grenada, from Grenada to China, China to New York, and finally from New York to Nepal. Each time I moved it meant a change in culture, food, language, landscape, friends, and an overall change in lifestyle.  However it is easy to point out these changes because you can name them, but more importantly these experiences have changed me.

While living in New York last year I was reintroduced to the typical everyday life, a life that involved schedules and mundane routines. Each day I would wake up to go to work. On a lucky day, I would meet a friend after work for dinner, however more commonly I would head home to go to the gym, followed by dinner, followed by sleep, to only wake up and do the whole thing over again. This life involved the distractions of shopping, eating, socializing, dating, and your typical everyday drama’s. However now, living in Nepal, in a small rural village on top of a mountain, these distractions are no longer available. Without these distractions I am forced to be with myself, know myself, and love myself, in a way I have never been asked to do before. In a way that I would never have done unless I was forced to, like am forced to right now.  

During this time I am continuously reflecting on these last three years of experiences and changes I see from the “Cara” I was in then to the “Cara” I am now. I see changes in the way I carry myself and the way I relate to others. I think of who I was in college and no longer recognize that version of myself. The other night I was on the phone with my Dad for one of our weekly chats, and I was telling him a story about my current living situation, which let me tell you has not been easy, and when I was done speaking my dad responded by saying, “Cara, you have changed. You sound like a wise, mature, adult. I know that this year will be one of the best things that ever happened for you.” I don’t know when it happened or what caused it, but along the way I have found a new me. A happier, more content me, that is no longer scared of every transition or change, but understand these changes to be the things that have shaped, me and will continue to shape me.

Yesterday a friend and I were discussing our futures, when he told me about a study that had been done. He said that there had been a survey given to people who were about to die asking them what they regretted, the things they had done or the things they had not done. The answer: The thing’s they had not.

Whenever I am home I always encounter adults who want to hear my stories. Almost always the conversation ends with them saying “I wish I had done something like that.” Or  “Maybe one day I’ll have the courage to do something similar!” And it always makes me sad. This is it! Our life is right now!  I am constantly confronted with the issue of time, and how there will never be enough of it.  It has become clear to me how easy it is to get stuck in a life that involves schedules and mundane routine. So easy in fact that we push the things we want to do to tomorrow. However when does tomorrow become today!!!

We all have dreams for ourselves, about the person we want to be. But we can all be those people! Someone who inspires me to do this is my friend Katie. When she decides she wants something for herself so goes out and gets it. For instance she had always wanted to learn how to snowboard and this winter she committed to learning. This would mean significant changes in her weekly routine and her weekend social life however she was willing to makes these changes and commit to going to the slope every weekend so she could learn. I found this really inspiring. I then thought of the things that I’ve always wanted to do but pushed off to a later day, specifically learn to play the guitar. I don’t want to be one of those people who say “I always wish I had done that” or “I always wanted to learn but never found the time”. It’s time for me to make the time!

And while this might sound silly it’s true. Whenever I see friends of mine play I always think “I wish I knew how”, however I never made it priority and took the steps to making it a reality. I’m realizing that this is on me. I’m not a child anymore when my mom would sign me up for classes. That if this is something I really want for myself that I have to make it happen, and I can easily do it! And I’m sure that is the case for most of our wishes. There will always be excuses, “now is not the right time”, “I’m to busy now”, but it’s time let go of these excuses and fulfill our potential.

So to end this post, I want to give you all a challenge. I challenge you to think of something you’ve always wanted to do, whether it’s snowboarding, guitar, a city you want to live in, or a trip you’ve always wanted to take. I challenge you to make it happen.  Be the change you want to be, and make you’re life your own, so that when you come to the end, and the end will come, and you ask yourself if there is anything you regret, your answer will be nothing.